Column Opinion

Like The Bitch And Her Seven Puppies Like Senator Uzodimma, By Kelechi Abonuyo


In Igbo society such as Imo State of Nigeria, there are so many encumbrances to checkmate excesses. As told in the proverb of the Mother-dog and her seven puppies, Igbos are appreciative, but they know when to say, ‘‘hol’ it there!”

Let’s give a certain background to buttress this point. Generally it is said Ndi-Igbo have no king. This is a lie from the pit of hell. If Ndi-Igbo have no king, how is it then possible for them to have a name for King; namely, ‘‘Eze’’ or ‘‘Igwe’’? The fact is that no human society can name something it doesn’t know. If Eze or Igwe is in the nomenclature, then Ndi-Igbo have kings. Ndi-Igbo have kings really, but they don’t reverence kings or authority.

Ndi-Igbo made it difficult for anyone to attain kingship in their lifetime. They put booby traps and stringent conditions for an aspirant. First, your parents must be late. Others are that you must have achieved the prerequisite titles such as Nze, Ozo and Ichie which cost the earth to achieve. Ndi-Igbo are clever in this sense. By the time you have acquired these titles to get to the ranks of an Eze or Igwe, you must have been exhausted financially such that, at the end, all you have left is ‘‘title’’ and ‘‘prestige’’ but no material wealth or riches. Practically saying, you have been pruned as a fowl could be.

Our literary sister, Ngozi Achebe, in her award winning novel – Olaedo the Blacksmith Daughter, she presented a typical Igbo society. In that set, the people of Abonene had a Town-crier who went round the village every evening, specifically in the front yard of their King, to announce that Abonene knows no King and are considering deposing him the next day, much to the chagrin of the King. Day after day, the King was not deposed. But he lived his life in perpetual suspense, for he did not know what fate had in stock for him the next minute. This continued until the infuriated King denounced his throne, in order to have peace of mind. ‘‘What’s the point that I will be King, yet I can’t exercise the kingly powers on my people’’.

The Town-crier was as irritating to the King as a night mosquito can be to those who live in squalor. In fact, Igbo society is republican. If you don’t like it, you can go kiss the dog’s wet nose. It works for the Ndi-Igbo.

There are so many caveats to checkmate people and their ambition. Mind you. Ndi-Igbo are appreciative but will never fail to say their mind when the handshake has gone beyond the elbow. ‘‘When a handshake crosses the elbow, they think it has turned to a fight’’, Igbo proverb says.

Senator Hope Uzodimma, whither? Let’s remind you of one caveat. Ndi-Igbo appreciate it when a female dog delivers seven puppies, but we say to her, ‘‘Hold it there. Never again’’. You have done well to have outsmarted our greedy Gov Rochas Okorocha and his crumbling empire. With all your contacts and connections to the high and mighty in town, it surely takes a comparatively bigger thief to steal from a thief. Fine! We appreciate. But hold it there.

In a novel written by yours sincerely, titled Strangled Fate, a village thief had stolen a Billy goat, for which he tried to sell at the local community market – their bazaar. He had tethered the animal nearby while he bargained the price with unsuspecting customers. After a deal was reached, he received the pay, but the goat was nowhere insight to be transferred to the buyer. Alas! A better thief had untied it from the stake and gone away quietly. It was embarrassing to that original village thief.

On his way home, a fellow who knew his history asked him, ‘‘How was market? I hope you sold well?’’ He replied, ‘‘Yes, I sold your mother’s cunt well’’. Obviously he was as infuriated as Gov Rochas Okorocha and Co now are. Later on the same way, he met a familiar friend, who asked him the same question as before. He was comfortable to reply, ‘‘Yes, I sold my goat at cost price’’. The cost price is STOLEN. The above story befits them within the All Progressives Congress party (APC), specifically between Owelle Rochas Okorocha and Chief Hope Uzodimma. APC is dead in Imo State, although the rite of passage is not nearly completed.

Sen. Hope Uzodimma, Ndi Imo are appreciative of your efforts to knock off, and out of political balance, Gov Rochas Okorocha and his greedy gang. Don’t mind that chap called Samuel Onwuemeodo. He can say whatever tickles his fancy, much to the admiration of his Oga. Chukwuokike-Abiama created for this purpose. In the Igbo homestead of a great man, there are people of varied characteristics and orientations for different purposes. When such homes want to match evil for evil or good for good, they have people who can play the part. When they want to jaw-jaw, there are some person(s) for it. In times of war-war, they feature candidate(s). In whatever circumstance, they are not found wanting. Imo State is such a typical Igbo homestead. You have done well.

The large group of supporters (rented or real) that greeted you is to appreciate your doggedness. You saved the face of average Onye-Igbo. Through you Ndi-Igbo told Nigerians that Imo State is not Lagos State or any other place in nature – call it ecosystem. Ndi-Imo still regale at your tweet, which trended last week or the week before. You told the self-appointed emperor that Imo State was too big a gift for his son-in-law, Mr Uche Nwosu. In that tweet, you recommended a Rolex wrist watch as an appropriate gift to a deserving servant turned son-in-law.

Sen Hope Uzodimma, in the undiluted spirit of Ndi-Igbo, especially from the background of the opening paragraphs, we know your capacity. We shall get you a Rolex. You deserve it. But please leave Douglas House alone. Ndi-Imo deserve better. We deserve technocrats. We do not want professional politicians, whose words are not far from ‘‘kill and bury’’ and ‘‘share the allocations and the common patrimony’’.

We need people who will run the state truly as the Chief Executive Officers, thereby attract investments, create jobs, ameliorate the present conditions, restore human dignity in the spirit of Igbo tradition and wider world view, etc. Ndi-Imo have suffered untold hardship.

In today’s Nigeria, which is Mohammadu Buhari’s Nigeria, which is unwelcoming to Onye-Igbo, we recognize that Ndi-Imo now have challenges only technocrats can solve, irrespective of which zone they come from. We do not, any longer, want as governor people who dedicate all their time thinking of Moet and Bentley.
Sen Hope Uzodimma, please! For the sake of the unborn generations, mellow your ambition.
Thank you!

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  1. Kelechi, I have been reading you but this is about the best. I love it. We will get him a Rolex watch and maybe add some cartons of Moet and maybe a Bentley if a miracle brings the money.


  2. This piece captures in its entirety my thoughts on those jostling to take over the reigns of political leadership in Imo. This write up applies to all the candidates of the three major political parties. I don’t see any technocrat among the lots of Ararume, Ihedioha and Hope. So, where do we go from here??


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